Architecture and Sex: Designing for Desire

Architecture plays a crucial role in shaping our daily lives, including our most intimate moments. Yes, we’re talking sex.

Alright, y'all, I know this isn't maybe what you expect from your friendly neighborhood architect, but hear me out first because this is important. We're about to get real, and maybe a little spicy. Buckle up.

So, here's the reality: I spend my days knee-deep in other people's lives, designing homes that are supposed to be their sanctuaries, their happy places, the place that brings them home to themselves and one another. We talk about everything from where Grandma's going to sleep when she visits, how we can make community-building easy with neighbors, how to have special ritual moments with nature while the seasons change, what paint colors that make you smile - even on a bad day - and how a house can adapt over the various phases of life (children, aging parents, accessibility changes, need for extra income, etc.) But you know what we don't talk about? Sex. Yep. S-E-X. But, perhaps we should.

Now, I’m no prude. I’ve got a sex life of my own and navigate this stuff like everyone else. Let me tell you—nothing kills the mood faster than a poorly designed space. Or worse—a space that works well in some ways but is a total buzzkill when it comes to intimacy. I’m talking no sound privacy, overly exposed layouts, surfaces that are cold to the touch, and kids able to barge in at any moment. Sometimes, a room just feels too open when what you really need is a cozy, intimate vibe, or a place that is conducive to vulnerability. And let’s be real—the bed isn’t the only option. (Stay creative!)

Why not design spaces that serve multiple purposes throughout the day but also invite playfulness, connection, desire? Imagine nooks, built-in benches, or soft daybeds that double as perfect spots for a midday nap but can take on a whole new meaning when the moment feels right. Think about creating spaces with soft textures—like lambswool or oversized floor cushions—where you might stretch or meditate... or whatever else strikes your fancy when you exchange that look. You know the one.

So, I've got some questions for you.

When was the last time you thought about how your home impacts your sex life? Do you have a space that makes you feel sexy? Or are you rolling in the hay in a room that feels about as exciting as a dentist’s office? For those of you with oversized, underutilized walk-in closets (and kids running around), picture this: a hidden love nest with a skylight for late-night stargazing, a deep tub for two, and a velvet sofa made for more than just sitting. Sounds way better than folding laundry or staring at last week’s clothes pile, right? And don’t forget a mini-split for dialing in the temperature controls.

Let’s talk about your primary bedroom—does it feel like a serene oasis or more like a cluttered battleground? Are you working in there, surrounded by screens and charging cables, instead of things that feel natural and grounding? What story does your art and decor tell? Do you have dimmable lighting, easy ways to play music, and the kind of privacy that allows you to fully relax—free from interruptions by kids or curious neighbors? Or are you stuck hearing the TV from the living room, or worse, your teenager's music blaring from next door?

Look, I’m not saying your bedroom needs to become a full-on "Fifty Shades" experience (unless that’s your thing—no judgment!). But what if we designed it with passion in mind? What if your home wasn’t just a place to sleep, eat, and work, but also a place to connect, explore, and experience intimacy? Think about it—how much do people spend on fancy hotels or AirBnBs just to feel a spark of romance, when you could invest that energy into creating a space in your own home that invites those same feelings every day?

Look, I get it. Talking about sex with your architect might feel weird. But trust me, after 10 years in this business, I've heard (and seen) it all. And life's too short for bad sex in badly designed spaces. So, whether you have these conversations with me, or with one another, PLEASE have them. Be clear in your feedback, and keep this dimension of your project in mind. Help me to design the spaces that fits your vision for how you want life to feel. With kids and jobs and responsiblity, how nice would it be to make intimacy something that doesn’t feel like work, but where your space beckons you to slow down with one another? That’s good stuff.

So, next time we’re deep in floor plans, don’t hold back—drop those hints. Tell me about that romantic getaway that lit a spark. Share the dream of a steamier home life. Or just say, “I want a private lounge to rest in”—I’ll take the hint. Whether it’s a hidden daybed, a velvet nook, or a skylit love nest, I’m here to help you design spaces that aren’t just functional but full of desire, connection, and joy.

Because at the end of the day, my job isn’t just about four walls and a roof—it’s about creating spaces where all of life happens, the messy, the magical, and yes, the intimate moments, too. And let’s be honest—there’s nothing more satisfying than a space that makes your heart race. You deserve a home that doesn’t just meet your needs but also stokes your desires.

So, give yourself permission to design for what you truly want. I’ll back you up every step of the way, from big ideas down to textures, colors, and the tiniest design details. And if nothing else, imagine the conversation starter at your next dinner party: "Oh, this room? Our architect designed it specifically for our sex life." Now that's a conversation starter.

Let's create spaces that invite you to slow down, connect, and embrace what matters most. Life’s too short for uninspired spaces—or uninspired intimacy. Are you in?